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Today, 03:33 AM	? #1 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Does staying sober become normal? Morning All, or afternoon depending on where you are! I'm new to the sober lifestyle but so far so good. This Thursday I will be at 5 weeks. Not drinking is starting feel ok, I don't think about it much or look for it. I get the odd challenge here and there but overall I'm quite surprised at how I have adapted to the change. It helps being in a healthy environment at home where my wife hardly drinks at all and my kids remind me everyday why I should stay sober. I notice there are posters on here who have been sober 1,2 or even 10 years. How does that feel? When you reach 2 years sober does it feel totally normal not to drink. Do you ever doubt yourself? Do you ever feel the urge to drink? I used to smoke cigarettes and gave them up about 4 years ago. Every now and then I still get the urge to have a cigarette. It generally passes but if I'm in certain situation (which funny enough don't happen anymore!) like out with friends having a drink then I sometimes get tempted but I never give in. Is that what it's like to be long term sober? Do you still, now and then, get a craving? Just wondering.
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Today, 03:40 AM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: NYC Posts: 506	Sneeker Congrats on your sober time. I'm so happy it is going well for you so far. I will have 14 1/2 years of sobriety, and it feels like the norm. I don't know when it changed from being something I didn't do (not drinking) to just my normal life, but it was in the first few years. I struggled with cravings for awhile, so it didn't feel normal not to drink until those cravings were finally lifted. Now I rarely even notice if someone is drinking. Nor do I desire it Every now and again there is a fleeting thought, but that is all it is. Fleeting, and I don't give it any more thought. I have never lost that fear of what alcohol did to me. I never want to feel that way again. So the answer is yes, it just becomes normal not to drink. It doesn't require much thought __________________ "The mind is its own place; it can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell" Milton
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Today, 03:42 AM	? #3 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Quote: Sneeker Congrats on your sober time. I'm so happy it is going well for you so far. I will have 14 1/2 years of sobriety, and it feels like the norm. I don't know when it changed from being something I didn't do (not drinking) to just my normal life, but it was in the first few years. I struggled with cravings for awhile, so it didn't feel normal not to drink until those cravings were finally lifted. Now I rarely even notice if someone is drinking. Nor do I desire it Every now and again there is a fleeting thought, but that is all it is. Fleeting, and I don't give it any more thought. I have never lost that fear of what alcohol did to me. I never want to feel that way again. So the answer is yes, it just becomes normal not to drink. It doesn't require much thought Thanks for that, kinda makes it all worthwhile. Its always been a worry of mine that I'll feel like I'm constantly missing out but reading what said gives me a lot of hope. Thanks very much!
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Today, 03:46 AM	? #4 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: NYC Posts: 506	I never feel like I'm missing out because I don't drink anymore. I know I can't drink socially. The tough times are usually when it is a social gathering of people I don't know well, but it is generally only the first few minutes that I feel awkward (and that's because I'm not a very social, chatty person by nature). I always think (omg, if I were drinking I'd be a sobbing mess in the corner or dancing on tables). Never again. :-) __________________ "The mind is its own place; it can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell" Milton
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Today, 03:47 AM	? #5 (permalink)
instant ? Join Date: May 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 3,143	The "missing out" thing goes away. I think I am still noticing changes at 16plus months. The sense of freedom is priceless. I am also far more able to handle "stress" (which used to send me back to the bottle). It gets easier and it gets better. __________________ Let everyone be my teacher. May 15 2011
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Today, 03:54 AM	? #6 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: UK Posts: 988	I'm 6 months sober and I very rarely find a situation in which alcohol is being consumed difficult now. I would say this happened 2 months ago, perhaps more, so keep going - it will definitely be the norm soon. __________________ "To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves." Virginia Woolf Sober since April 1st 2012. Smoke free since August 1st 2012.
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Today, 04:28 AM	? #7 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Quote: The "missing out" thing goes away. I think I am still noticing changes at 16plus months. The sense of freedom is priceless. I am also far more able to handle "stress" (which used to send me back to the bottle). It gets easier and it gets better. That's interesting as it was stress that drove me to drink in the first place! Its weird how the crutch we use to cope could actually be the cause of the underlying problem. I was drinking heavily because I could not cope with stress at work and I had depression. It was my way to escape and become numb for a few hours. My head now feels a lot clearer and my spirit in general has been lifted since I gave up the drink. My biggest issue at the moment is having to explain why I'm not drinking. The two times it has come up so far I've not really had a negative response. I've managed to brush it off with comments such as 'Im giving it a rest for a while' or 'i'm on a health kick'. There will be times in the future where I will no doubt get the third degree from friends or relatives. I expect there will be some people who will just want to be nosey and pry into my private life. Not looking forward to having to justify myself at all. My reasons for giving up drinking are personal to me and I'm uncomfortable with being labelled by people. I have my over-bearing sister in law coming to visit this Saturday, I've already conjured up my "I'm on anti-biotic's chest infection excuse"!
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Today, 04:28 AM	? #8 (permalink)
Self recovered Self discovered ? Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Toronto Canada Posts: 1,769	At 14 months for me, Sneeker, it is much like what you described with you and cigarettes. It's not so much as a craving anymore, just a thought that disappears when I become aware of it and mindful of it. I see it for what it is and it's gone. I can say that weeks go by without a single one now. I was sorely tested a few weeks ago, on a camping fishing trip - the same people, place and time of year where I first drank all day every day for a week, about 15 years ago. Eye openers before breakfast, rum all day, and wine with dinner and scotch till oblivion, for four days straight. That appeared as a craving and a strong one too. But I didn't drink, I couldn't really. Failing at sobriety now is out of the question. Thoughts, memories, urges, cravings, they are all the same to me now. Empty of any force to make me do anything. I can only accept them without getting frantic or panicky. They disappear, and I remain. I will prevail because I may. Timshel. __________________ AVRT has shown me how to never drink again and to never change my mind.
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Today, 04:34 AM	? #9 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Quote: I was sorely tested a few weeks ago, on a camping fishing trip - the same people, place and time of year where I first drank all day every day for a week, about 15 years ago. Eye openers before breakfast, rum all day, and wine with dinner and scotch till oblivion, for four days straight. That appeared as a craving and a strong one too. But I didn't drink, I couldn't really. Failing at sobriety now is out of the question. . Well done you, that must have been some test. I can relate to those sort of weekends myself. Every year me and the boys go away to watch horse racing. Dont get me wrong we always had a blast but boy did we drink, pretty much non stop. I used to feel terrible for a whole week after. I'm hoping I can suggest something different to my friends this year. Instead of watching sport I think we need to do sport! I'm quite looking forward to playing tennis or golf and then having a relaxing evening and decent nights sleep!
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Today, 04:39 AM	? #10 (permalink)
Self recovered Self discovered ? Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Toronto Canada Posts: 1,769	Quote: Originally Posted by Sneeker There will be times in the future where I will no doubt get the third degree from friends or relatives. I expect there will be some people who will just want to be nosey and pry into my private life. Not looking forward to having to justify myself at all. Sneeker, wrapped up in those thoughts are some beliefs of yours that might not be true. Unpack this and see if you can find out what they are. Do you believe that everyone cares about you drinking with them? Do you believe that people will react negatively to you not drinking? Do you believe that you have to justify your choice whether to drink? Are these beliefs true? What does it mean if these beliefs are not true? I don't know if you have these beliefs or not, but even if you do, they aren't reason to drink. You know what to do simply because you have the power to choose. __________________ AVRT has shown me how to never drink again and to never change my mind.
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Today, 04:46 AM	? #12 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Norfolk, VA Posts: 1,712	Quote: When you reach 2 years sober does it feel totally normal not to drink. I go through my days without the obsession to drink. Does that feel normal? No. What it feels like is a blessing, every day. Two years sober won't make up for 35 years of drinking. But I haven't felt this "Normal" in years. Five weeks is awesome. Stay the course. Work on your recovery. Don't slack off just because things feel "normal" and you'll be okay.
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Today, 04:52 AM	? #13 (permalink)
Friend of Bill W. ? Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: On my bike... Posts: 6,345	Quote: When you reach 2 years sober does it feel totally normal not to drink. No, at 2 years it did not feel "totally" normal. But I drink for a lot of years, like nearly 40, so I was OK with that... At 4 years, I can say that it feels totally normal. Do you ever doubt yourself? No Do you ever feel the urge to drink? No. No urges. And lately, there are very few moments where I notice anything. Most of those are when I am around others who drink. Those moments pass quickly and painlessly. So yea, sober becomes normal. Be patient, it happens. . Live for, and don't drink, just for today. __________________ "It's a braver, newer world you've found."....Jimmie Dale Gilmore
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Today, 05:21 AM	? #15 (permalink)
Member of SMART Recovery ? Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 1,455	14 years here, and it has felt very normal not to drink for at least 13 of those years. And really--think about it. We aren't masochists here. If it didn't get better, if life didn't improve, we wouldn't be here, we'd have gone back to drinking. But life improves immeasurably, as you'll find too. Hang in there. __________________ OTT "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'" -- Jedi Master Yoda
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Today, 05:26 AM	? #16 (permalink)
Learning to live again ? Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 7,760	Hi sneeker Pipparina's response is how I feel too. Not sure when it happened, but at some point I stopped being sorry for myself - stopped feeling like I was missing out. I remember the first few months obsessing over not drinking. It was on my mind all the time - I worried how I'd get through the holidays, how I'd face upsetting things, etc. The first year, with all the triggers a year can bring, was the hardest. Now it barely crosses my mind, and I can't believe I'm saying that. I once had it by my side at all times. Glad you brought it up, and hope the answers are helping encourage you. __________________ You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. - Fr. Gregory Boyle, Homeboy Industries Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
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Today, 05:38 AM	? #17 (permalink)
Living sober since 12/18/08 ? Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 2,601	I don't know really when it shifted, but at almost 4 years sober I never think about it. The life I've built around my sobriety and recovery simply doesn't include anything having to do with my old life, and honestly it's become effortless at this point and probably for the past couple of years. Granted, I got pregnant, had a baby (who will be 3 next month) so there's that distraction.. but I love my life now and I feel very secure in my recovery all of the time. __________________ They seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if they had surprised a butterfly in the winter woods. ~Edith Wharton
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Today, 06:13 AM	? #18 (permalink)
Last Drink or Drug: 7/24/2009 ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Grand Rapids MI Posts: 272	3 yrs sober and it is normal. Differant life and sooooooo much better. I still have thoughts of alcohol but they are gone as soon as they arrive. I am still terrified of the way my life was and I hope I never forget that. Still go to a lot of AA meetings and work with others. As someone else said, if it was not a lot better why would we do it? __________________ I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons Finally content with a past I regret I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness For once I'm at peace with myself
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Today, 07:09 AM	? #19 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Thanks for all reply's, really inspiring stuff. Lots of the words written make so much sense and give a great deal of hope. I guess the resounding comment has to be" If it didn't get better, if life didn't improve, we wouldn't be here, we'd have gone back to drinking". So true. I feel quite liberated at the moment. The other night I was planning a night out to a restaurant with a friend. It suddenly struck me that I could drive and did not have to arrange a taxi or look for bus times! The night out only cost me ?15 because firstly I only drank diet coke and secondly I did not have to pay for a taxi home! It was also nice to able to go home when I wanted and for a change I got home at a reasonable hour. I had a great night and I woke up in the morning without a hangover. This same night 2 months ago would have been so different. There is definitely a feeling of calm around me at the moment, almost spiritual. Thanks again for all your comments, they really help!
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Today, 07:13 AM	? #20 (permalink)
Learning to live again ? Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 7,760	Yes! The relief you'll feel from the 'burden' of keeping up a drinking lifestyle will be huge. You're doing great. __________________ You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. - Fr. Gregory Boyle, Homeboy Industries Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
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Today, 07:16 AM	? #21 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Quote: Sneeker, wrapped up in those thoughts are some beliefs of yours that might not be true. Unpack this and see if you can find out what they are. Do you believe that everyone cares about you drinking with them? Do you believe that people will react negatively to you not drinking? Do you believe that you have to justify your choice whether to drink? Are these beliefs true? What does it mean if these beliefs are not true? I don't know if you have these beliefs or not, but even if you do, they aren't reason to drink. You know what to do simply because you have the power to choose. I guess that I worry what people will think of me. I am also not comfortable with people questioning me and I dont like the idea of people talking about me. I don't like labels either because I think we are all different. I don't like the word alcoholic because for me it has so many negative connotations. I'd be embarrassed and ashamed if people knew/thought I was an alcoholic. Sneeker by sneeker by nature I'm afraid. I've kept this drinking a secret for so long that I almost feel like I have gotten away with it and I don't want people to think any less of me if I come clean and admit or announce I have a problem. Does that make sense?
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Today, 07:38 AM	? #22 (permalink)
Clear Eyes Full Heart ? Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 127	Sneeker, what a great thread idea! It is really good to hear from people that have done it successfully that it becomes easier over time, and sobriety is their "new normal". I needed to read that, because early in recovery you feel like all you do is think about drinking and it gets old fast. I think as far as people asking you about it, I agree, you don't need to go into too much personal stuff with anyone. You can give the "health kick" answer and leave it at that. If someone really probes and ask if you're an alcoholic (which I hope they wouldn't) you can say "no, but I don't want to go down that road so I'm taking it easy" or something similar. It's no one's business but your own. You will find there are people you can discuss it honestly with, but you choose who they are, don't let anyone intimidate you. __________________ ?When you quit drinking you stop waiting.? ? Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story
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Today, 08:16 AM	? #23 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 38	Quote: Sneeker, what a great thread idea! It is really good to hear from people that have done it successfully that it becomes easier over time, and sobriety is their "new normal". I needed to read that, because early in recovery you feel like all you do is think about drinking and it gets old fast. I think as far as people asking you about it, I agree, you don't need to go into too much personal stuff with anyone. You can give the "health kick" answer and leave it at that. If someone really probes and ask if you're an alcoholic (which I hope they wouldn't) you can say "no, but I don't want to go down that road so I'm taking it easy" or something similar. It's no one's business but your own. You will find there are people you can discuss it honestly with, but you choose who they are, don't let anyone intimidate you. Great advice. I get the feeling (maybe wrongly) that some people feel the need to announce they are recovering alcoholics, which is fine if you are confident enough to say that. I am by nature quite a shy person and I hate fuss. When I was drinking heavily I used to go out of my way to get others to drink with me. Even when people said they did not want to drink i'd be like 'come on you can have a couple!' I'm afraid I might meet someone like I used to be! I must have been a real pain in the butt! Everyday I feel more at ease with my new way of life and I'm sure that one day I'll be totally comfortable with it. I guess when that day comes I wont care what people say or think.
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Today, 08:22 AM	? #24 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: northern michigan. not the U.P. Posts: 1,642	i would much rather let people have their own opinions of me being sober than to show them how i am drunk. if anyne has a problem with me being an alcoholic living sober, then they have a problem. __________________ all big book quotes from 1st edition
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Today, 08:48 AM	? #25 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Santa Barbara, CA Posts: 71	I'm almost 30 days sober and without the drugs/alcohol I'm very normal! And I do normal stuff. It's great!
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